Mindful

i will be mindful.

i will think of you whenever i
fuck another
and cry you are not there to
watch.

i will find you
in your weakest moment
when your kneecaps are blown out
and you’ve fallen down three flights of stairs
your face bludgeoned twice
by each step
bring you one bandaid
and smile.

i will eat your heart medium rare
boil your fingers, bone in, as stock
add butter and flour to make
roux for gravy.

though you are not here now,
i remember.
mindful.